What's Up Doc?

Land of the Living

• Drive to NY - 9.5 hours, Note: weekdays no traffic
• Grandpa's family service - I gave the eulogy, no dry eyes
• Funeral - very sad
• Day I left NY - straightened flowers at cemetery, drove back
• Drive to VA - 10.5 hours, Kelly's right about DC at 3:3o pm

I got back late last night after picking up the Solomonster from friend Wayne. He really came through in a pinch. I am very blessed to have a buddy like Wayne in my life - thank you Man!!

The eulogy was difficult to give, but it was something I had to do for my own peace of mind. I wasn't sure if I would get the chance. The Family service was scheduled short. I sat in the back because I went in late trying to get up the nerve to pay my respects. The silence was deafening and I couldn't take it. So, rather than just go up and say my peace, I went to my mother. I knelt before her and asked her permission to say a few words. Actually the words I spoke were all from my grandfather. I had asked him what he was most proud of in life. I had expected a very curt response. But the man with the thick (actually thin) skin surprised me by saying that he was most proud of each of his children. I shared a brief synopsis of what he said about each of his five children. My Uncle, the unemotional powerhouse, burst out in tears. So, that's when I sorta lost it too, but gathered my composure. I also shared what my grandfather said was his biggest regret. Dumbfounded, my grandfather would only change one thing about his life; he would have played with each of his children more. He had deliberately stopped playing with his children around the age of 12, and began treating them like young adults in firm manner. He wished that he had not done that. Each of his children nodded their heads in agreement.

The first disclosure was a bit foreign to my mother and her siblings but was understood. They had just not been accustomed to hearing compassionate references from their father. It was my honor to be able to relay that message to them. The joke when visiting my grandfather was not to upset him. Which I did often with my "invasive" questions. But I was able to find the core of my grandfather that my other kin had failed to realize. I could not in good conscious let his memory rest without at least of bit of his soul being exposed. The later message sealed my message as truth for them, as they all could identify with the abandonment of their childhood.

I left Saratoga Springs, NY with tears in my eyes, but a wicked smirk in my smile.

Earl Parker Duell, may you rest in peace. Your loving grandson.

Murphy

I haven't decided yet what Murphy will look like. But today, he's looking a lot like Oscar the Grouch. As you know, I'm trying to get work done, chores accomplished, laundry completed so mom doesn't throw a hissy fit when I walk through the door, get the dog to friend Wayne's for dog-sitting duty, and get my ass home for sleep.
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• Richmond traffic sucked today - Get the hell out of my way.
• Haircut - Just cut it like I want it and don't kavetch about it.
• Money - Can you move your ass a bit faster at the ATM machine please!!
• I got all those letters done and you can't even review them? Don't you know I'm on a deadline here - no pun intended.
• Thank you Legal Mind that helped, ever so slowly, but HELPED! thank you.
• Thank you for approving my bereavement time, when I knew I could have it all and you were being a tad bit of a bitch about it. MANAGERS!!
• TRAFFIC - RED LIGHTS and more people in my way!
• Get dog to Wayne's!! - Noooo he decides to park his ass under the Florida room where I can't get to him. Making me have to take him over in the morning.
• Laundry! Crap almost forgot about laundry.
• Damn I still have to pack and look at me blogging .

I'll be out of commission for a week but I will be back.

It's a Whirlwind baby!!

I'll be heading back to Saratoga Springs, NY on Thursday to be with the family. I'm trying to get a lot of work done before I go. I'm part of a team of three. I will be out and another member will be out on medical leave. Which will leave one person all be themselves to manage the complaints. Which also means, I'll come back to a ton of work.

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Crud, I need to mow the lawn and take care of the dog and get him over to friend Wayne's. Too much to do, so little time to do it.

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Thank you for all the well wishes.

Thank you to Amaretto!!

Death of a Semi-Hero

June 16, 2008

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8:30 a.m.

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My Grandfather died

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Earl Parker Duell was not a perfect person. He lived his life wide open with all his faults for the world to see. He raised eyebrows with his gruffness. He angered a few people along the way. He spoke his mind, and did not much care about offending. He was a genius when it came to interpersonal dialogue, decision making, family dynamics, finance and economics, car buying, someone else's cooking, the best shows on television, short changing a sucker, politics, local news, horse racing, beating the law, and morals. He also knew how to point a mean finger.

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He evoked discomfort in family members or was it just that he demanded attention and respect. You listened to him whether you wanted to or not. To visit him was a challenge if you held any sort of opinion, because it was often wrong. Arguing with Earl was an elusive exercise, since he had already won before you entered the door. His house, his rules. Well it wasn't limited to his house, so long as you knew that in advance. As you can imagine, he was difficult. And many of my family had a hard time dealing with and understanding him.

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My father likes to say that I got all the worst qualities of both sides of the family. I'll have to defer to his wisdom, because he happens to be right. Lucky me, I have a lot of my grandfather in me. This is my mother's father and the last of my grandparents to 'go home.' I like to think I'm the lucky one in the family. I understood my grandfather. That does not mean I always liked the man - 'cause he was difficult. But I was never afraid of him. Unlike most of my family, I was able to speak my mind right back to him. I think he secretly enjoyed it. I know my grandmother did, because she would sit in her chair in the corner and just giggle at me. Once she passed away (several years back), gramps started his downward spiral. He wanted to go quick, but something in him (his pacemaker) kept him ticking. This morning, one last dose of painkiller was all it took... and he peacefully slipped away. He would say "dead, is dead." I pray for him that he is wrong and I ask that you do the same for me.

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I'm holding up fine right now, but not for much longer. I will miss him terribly. I loved our arguments and our sharing of experiences. I will miss shaking his hand hello and kissing his forehead good-bye. He was my Grandfather and my Friend. I love ya gramps. You can watch over me now! (yep, I lost it)