cRanKy PaNts

I had no idea that there really are Cranky Pants out there! Fo' Shizzle!!

It's my blog and I'll blog what I want to. But I do feel a sliver of a need to apologize for yesterday's post because it was suddenly blessed with rampant F-bombs. I also need to clarify that I didn't retort back to the customer. I was illustrating what I wanted to say back, but could not because of work ethics. Damn those. I did however, firmly advise him of his options.

I also had to double think how mad I was yesterday. Today I had a several brain tremors of annoyance that I had difficulty putting into check. There are going to be off-days that the brain meds just don't want to calm the savage beast. Today was one of those days. I almost shared a bit of my Temporal Lobe with a colleagues Jaw, just to shut that person up. No not really, But I do have Ally McBeal visualizations to help move me along in the thought process. What I'm trying to say is that I need to recognize that Mr. Cranky Pants is upon me and I need to play nice.

But not with fucking Mr. NY, the dickwad. (insert Larry the Cable Guy apology here)

Stress

Stress - What Stress? I feel fine.

Something must be getting under my skin. I'm not sure what. All my life I was an avid nail-biter, a true professional. About a year and a 1/2 ago I started taking Lexapro to calm the voices in my head that said "Smack her, smack her hard!" I described the physical and mental nonsense to my doctor. My back was tense, crawling with tension. I wasn't sleeping well. I couldn't focus worth a damn. Everything and everybody was driving me nuts. So my handsome doctor said it was time to give Lexapro a try. Meet Lexapro:

When I first started taking this wonderful little friend, I was so dog-gone sleepy for about 2-3 days. Try taking that while at work - zzzzzzzz. Well the first symption was sleep. But the next symptom was this odd feeling of a line being drawn down the center of my brain, separating the two halves. Like the drug was telling the two halves to stop fighting with each other. Then I noticed that I could focus so much easier. Then, chatterbox behind me was not so worrisome. I could block her incessant rantings all day long and get my work done. Then I was sleeping better. Then all was well in my universe and I was on autopilot most of the time. One of the best side effects was that I noticed I had stopped biting my nails after about 3 months with my friend. But it wasn't cheap, even with a solid health plan. It wasn't until a generic came out in August 2008 that I could purchase my new friend, Citalopram, meet Citalopram:

A smooth transition, with only a couple days of drowsiness, then back on the easy-button. And until recently I have been fine and dandy. And a whole lot cheaper, being a generic brand. But I have noticed lately that I have been pissier than normal and anger is not one of my better controlled emotions. I'm not hulking out, just having control putting it in check. Several posts back I wrote about some trouble with friends. It's an irritant that won't go away in my mind. I really like the new guy at work - he's funny and not stress inducing, unless he talks all day. And that one thought is what brought the origins of needing Lexapro back in focus. I'm stressing about something but not entirely sure what. So this weekend I decided to up my dosage (Dr. said I could) of the Citalopram for a short while, just to get over the edge. Well the wet and soggy weekend was my opportunity to do that and accomodate any grogginess. Oh sweet sleep, hello my 'other' friend.

aaaaaaaaahhhhh. I really suggest this medication for those of you that may be under similar stressors. And unlike other mood enhancers, it does NOT mess with your horny. ka-ching!

Sugar

The picture is of skulls formed from sugar. I found it sort of fitting for how I'm feeling right now. No, in general I'm in good spirits. But my blood sugar levels are horrendous. Sugar is killing me. I am diabetic and have been so for 12 years. But really, it's been since I was a teen and was just not diagnosed. Many iterations of medications later, I find that more serious insulin strategies are in my future. I've maxed out the oral medications, done the non-insulin injectable, back to oral and extended release insulin. My body just seems to hate them and refuses to respond. I normalize for a while. Usually months on end, but lately it's been just months or recently even weeks. My latest medication was a combination insulin and oral medications that lasted about 4 weeks and I saw my sugar levels drop, then pop back up to "unacceptable". So, I have been to an endocrinologist with whom I will be working with for the foreseeable future. I am also taking other medications for other issues. The doctor took me off those and we are basically going back to scratch. Today I started on a mixture of a short extended release insulin that I blend with a quick release insulin. The very first thing I noticed was NOTHING. The next thing I noticed was that I was dog tired by 1:00pm. I suppose that should be expected. I'll pace it out and deal with the fatigue. I tend to get all excited when I see my sugar levels drop to normal and get to feeling much better. Right now, I feel like my body is pumping syrup/molasses through my veins. It's tiring. It makes me sleepy. It makes it hard to think. It makes it very hard to be nice to stupid people. *Thank you Lexapro* And now the weatherman is talking snow. Jesus Christmas, right now I just want to spank a Grinch. I wonder if google has a picture for that?