Fabulous (C.O.) and Amaaaaazing!!

The TV show Friends was a really funny show. Why did it take be 5 years into it's run to realize that? Cheers was awesome year one. But it took me until the year 3 to realize how funny it was. And Seinfeld. There's an Irish Christian Brother out there somewhere in this brave world that knows it took me until the FINAL season to realize how hilarious that show was. Why am I always behind the times. It's possible I like to sit back and see if something takes. But how much time and proof does a person need? I tend to be old-school:

Meet Mr. Vegetable Steamer
Okay, maybe not that old school, so instead, meet

When did these come into existence? Man, I love these things. They are so much easier. Birdseye is a more expensive brand that I avoid. There are cheaper generic wonders that do the same thing. Quick and easy and so totally Bachelor-ific!!! Please tell me I'm on the upward swing of this new trend. They're fabulous and amaaaazing. OW! damn-it, I keep steam burning myself though. Someone needs to make protective gloves that keep ya from burning yourself.

Rock em, Sock em

I am not often on the fence about issues:

1. If a friend needs assistance I will do what I can to be of assistance. Like watching my friends dogs or helping a friend move. Yes, of course I will be there for you.
2. If you're a pushy and demanding regulatory agent that uses your position to get your way, I will not help you win your battle. I believe contracts are contracts are contracts. So to you Ms. Bitch out there on the west coast, I still say NO. You may have won your battle by pissing and moaning about me to my superiors, but I am confident by your actions that YOU are a biased piece of shit motivated by your own personal convictions an not by fairness.
3. If you take the position of the urinal next to me, and rip one mother of a fart; I'm going to laugh and make some sort of remark. Don't get ticky with me because you couldn't have been a tad bit more civil about it. I get that it's a bathroom, but your effort to break the sound barrier at Mack 5 was a bit overkill. and yes, it was funny.
4. I am very selfishly giddy and gayly happy that a co-worker has taken a new job and moved the hell on. Now maybe I can try to like her... or not.
5. My job is hell right now. The financial world has gone just a tad bit stupid and along with it all the people we service appear to be fearful. Granted I understand, but folks you really need to chill and just let the machine work. The bailout is a bad idea. Let the sharks fight it out. Let the economy suffer a little bit. Maybe it will knock some sense into everyone. You're not supposed to coddle a whiney baby ALL the time. You're not supposed to let your kids off the hook when they've been bad. Spank the crap out of them and let them pay the price. Tighten your belt a bit, suck it up, grow a pair.
6. oh and one more fencing issue: Nobama!!!

I let you off lite. I was also going to rant again about St. Mary's Hospital. But I'm still waiting to see if they respond to my "very enlightening and educational" and blaming letter.

Stretch Armstrong

I went looking for a picture of Stretch Armstrong for a reason and happened upon this one that just made me giggle. There was a better one to use, but the dork in me decided to go for the easy humor.

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I had to run a few errands after work and you know what happens when I'm out running my errands. But not this time. Someone else beat me to it in a much different way. Ask anyone at work and my alter-ego strives to be super positive. I'm often the first to say "Hello, how are you?" and mean it. I'll chat up perfect strangers in the elevator and leave them bewildered, wondering who that oddly friendly person was.

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My 2nd to last errand took me to the Grub Kitty (Food Lion grocery store for those that don't know what a Grub Kitty is). I was in the store for about 20 minutes. From the moment I walked in there I noticed HER. She was skinny, just bone thin and by-golly she had to be every bit of 7 feet tall. I thought to myself, this has got to be what the female 'stretch armstrong' looks like. She had blond hair and was wearing baby blue shorts and a t-shirt and just totally looked the part. I snickered to myself. She beat me to it and said "hello" first. Looking straight up, I said "hello" back. I continued on my merry way to get some items that I didn't need and some doggie treats. I noticed her many times, and she was always saying hello to everyone who was walking near her. Her smile was just wide open and beaming. What a ray of sunshine she was in that gloomy store. She wasn't working there either. I had thought that at first. But she had one of those hand-held baskets and was gathering her supplies as she spread Christmas in July through the monotonous isles.

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Very Nice job 'Stretch Angela.'

Kleptomania

Medically speaking, kleptomania is "an obsessive impulse to steal regardless of economic need, usually arising from an unconscious symbolic value associated with the stolen item." That is not what happened today at the Grub Kitty.

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A man attempted to steal some food. He was apprehended until the police arrived, which was rather fast. This all happened as I entered the store. When I left the two officers were escorting the man out in handcuffs.

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The man was stealing food. Items of necessity that he apparently thought he needed, but was unwilling or unable to pay for. He was not stealing the most recent issue of TV Guide or some useless item. Visually his "economic" need appeared reasonable. I'm not saying it was right. Just that he seemed in need. And don't take any of this as pity for the guy because it was a stupid thing to do. He's an adult and should know better.

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Now, this is what I don't understand, and maybe you can help me. People in the check-out lines were saying that it's sad. Even the cashier said it was sad, to her. They didn't mean the situation was "sad," as in pathetic. They meant "sad," as in emotion. I said the situation was unfortunate, not sad. The looks I got were evil. *Lucky for them I didn't get ugly, but I was about to.* Then the lady-cashier on the other side said, "I don't feel sorry for his dumb ass, he had it coming!" The grumbling ensued and I just got myself out quickly. So what do you think? Was the situation sad or unfortunate? Or is there a better word for it.

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Maybe I should have titled this blog as "shop-lifting," but Kleptomaniac is more eye-catching.

Grub Kitty

"Surreal" is one of those words I find awkward to use, and giggle when other's convey some experience they have been a part of and can't think of a more appropriate word. I will abandon all hope of trying to evoke the spirit of the word. Instead, I will help you visualize an idiotic, busy-body, nosey and potentially thieving experience I had at the Grub Kitty. Otherwise known to most people as the Food Lion grocery store.

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I had just about completed my Sunday evening ritualistic run to the store. I try to go at dinner hour to avoid the crowds. I was not even the slightest bit fortunate this evening. It was one of those - turn a corner, and ram your buggy into someone evenings. I was just about done. I wanted to take a quick spin down the dog food isle. And there she was. An elderly African American woman dressed just shy of her Sunday best. I can't really talk, cause I was in my sweatpants, t-shirt, fleece-pullover and Mets Baseball cap. *shut up, someone has to support the Mets!*. I parked my buggy out of the way. She proceeded to look into my buggy as if it were there for public inspection. Which apparently is just what she was doing. She started asking me this and that were on sale, how much it was, and where she can find the specific items.

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Now you'll have to forgive me, but at first I thought it comical. It quickly meandered into the realm of annoyingly creepy. Then she triggered my assertive, get out of my space mode. I just had to tell her to go on and find what she wanted on her own. No, I wasn't terribly pleasant about it, but she got the hint and walked away. But I wondered, what would possess someone to rifle through the grocery haul of another person. If I had had an entire buggy filled with condoms.... then I might have opened the door for a lot of questions. But I save those trips for WalMart.

Collisions

Well it looks like I'm on a food blogging binge at the moment. My mouth collided with the Collisions variety of Doritos:

• Doritos Collisions Zesty Taco & Chipotle Ranch Flavor
• Doritos Collisions Hot Wings & Blue Cheese Flavor

But you may want to check the actual Dorito's link. Sadly, my computer and also my dial-up connection hinder proper loading.

Tonight I was enjoying the first on the list. Wow, these are fantastic. Food Lion, or grub kitty as it is affectionately knicknamed by several friends and me has had them on sale 2 for the price of one. Run - don't walk. Except you Kelly, I don't want to be blamed for ruining your girlish figure.