Juuuust Perfect

Or NOT !!!

Friend Wayne helped me keep my penis in my pants today.

*

Read it again just for affect, because that's funny shit.

*

I am positive that all was well with me right about 1:30pm. It's anybody's guess beyond that point up until when I was certain that I had a problem. Before leaving work at 5:00pm (which I never do) I realized that I had to make use of the restroom. At which point I realized that the ease of getting to my zipper was a bit too easy. Holy hello my friend, my zipper had untoothed itself. I have no idea how long it had been that way.

*

All I knew was that I needed to take care of business, get to Wayne's house and head to the hospital to be with Melissa. So first things first, then I washed my hands. A bit self-conscious I proceeded out of the building to non-chalantly have an impromptu meeting with Sheena Queen of the Jungle, with whom I had a zipper chuckle. Then off to Wayne. Walking up to his townhouse I had to pass several others. And of course the Asian family was just getting out of their car and the new couple a few doors down. *is it obvious, I'm not sure* But I walk confidently like there is nothing wrong. Phew! Wayne's house and off the pants go for me to check the zipper. Yep, totally unfixable. I know I mentioned I had to get to the hospital where other (many) people would be. So Wayne and I did the safety pin fix. Fine... it worked but you know I kept checking to make sure it was still working. And I also needed to constantly make sure the "pins" stayed pinned, lest I stab the boys. But then, I was heading to the most convenient of places were an accident like that happen. All went well. Then Wayne made me endure dinner out at the Regency Mall food court for some Chinese cuisine. Wonderful.

*

Update on Melissa: Hospitals Suck! (sorry Karen, but they do or least can, and they did, have and are sucking). If you had your guts ripped open and your innards taken out, would you want plenty of pain medications to accommodate... well... THE PAIN!!! I would think so. Well, after Mel was taken to her room, the pain was unbearable and she and her mother (a nurse) determined that no pain med was getting to her due to a faulty pump. Do you think that immediate attention would be taken or at least oral meds given to tide the situation over? NO... it took her mother bitching and Melissa screaming to get a new pump which showed up an hour later. It's a friggin Hospital, how long could it possible take to get a working pump? Well apparently that entire hour and even then the extra time it took for the meds to take effect. Which didn't really help much, because I'm sure Mel's anxiety was kicking in and not letting the meds work right. She was up all night, awake and in pain. I did say that she had been sliced open to have her innards REMOVED, didn't I. Well by morning Mel... wonderful sweet Melissa, had turned into a raving lunatic. And what's more. The replacement pump that was to give her meds, stopped working and she wasn't getting any meds and the wonderful nurses didn't believe her or her mother. More unnecessary medical drama. So several hours later, they figure it out and get it fixed. Oh and they made her walk this morning. All PAIN and no MEDS. Ya know, I think I would have had to slap someone. Karen maybe you can lend us your New Nurse for that exercise. I can't say that I would be up and walking after being ripped open to tear out a boatload of cancer, but that's me. But she made it and she's been given something to make her "nicer." Seems to me the nurses need a bit of that themselves.

*

When we left, I told friend Wayne that doctors and nurses should be required to be ripped open and treated by the hospitals they intend to work at, in order to pass their boards or whatever it's called to practice. That way they would truly understand pain WITHOUT MEDS. Shitty care like that pisses me off.

*

So now I hate two Hospitals: Henrico Doctors for my experience and St. Mary's for Mel's. I feel another boycott coming on.