Ya ever feel Alien

I haven't really blogged anything significant since prior to my wonderful vacation I selfishly imposed upon myself about three weeks ago. But I have been trying to at least have a presence and spread some snarky comments around.

For the past 2 years I have been struggling with family and friends. It's been a whole lot easier illustrating that all my vacations have been taken up by family. NO fun for Thomas. So I jumped on the opportunity to just have some time for myself. And since the family drama has subsided and I don't feel obligated to use my time off to trek up to NY, I feel a bit liberated. ...But I don't. I still feel like I'm burdened by other people's baggage. I don't want it. I love my friends. I care for them. But part of me just wants to not know them right now. I want to fall off the face of the earth and start new. When I was younger I used to do this all the time. I'd get bored with my surroundings, my job, my friends; and move on to something new. Every 2 years or so I would pack up and move the hell out of dodge.

I've been in Richmond for 12 years now and I like it well enough. But I've got that itch to "head west young man". But I've no desire to move west, nor am I getting any younger. My dear friends that I have here irritate me. Their individual dramas and fucked up choices they make drive me nuts. Not to mention a tremor of a break in the main group of friends that happened 2 years ago has really strained all relationships. I'm friends with most of them still, but few of them talk to each other. I feel foreign amongst the friends that I do have. There is no we, just us and or them. I work with one of the former friends that just about no one speaks to anymore. And I have no desire to associate either. I sort of feel like I have to hide in the shadows with one friend in order to be friends with another.

My friends have become alien to me. But they think I have become alien to them because I rarely call them or have a desire to hang out with them any more. They have just made their own worlds so hard to relate to. So I have branched out and found some new friends. Some... are you. Others, are the gleedorks and nobblewoks from work; interesting new aliens that offer new diverse manners of speak and social freakiness.

So - I'm not moving. I will fight that urge to flee for greener pastures. I'm enjoying my new friends and my job. And I will for the moment keep my old group of friends collecting a musty odor in the friendship drawer. Because for right now, I don't feel like looking in a mirror wearing uncomfortable underwear trying to look tough. I just wanna be "spiffy".